Positive relationships are critical for students to feel connected to school, to do well, and for the overall well-being of the school environment. Building relationships with students begins first and foremost with the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This means to treat students respectfully, ask politely, and correct kindly.
From my experience in observing classrooms, when teachers are encouraging toward students, are respectful, and convey genuine caring, students engage more academically, often because they want to please their teacher. Aggressive or disruptive behaviors are rare. It always amazes me when teachers don’t see how their own behavior — sarcasm and criticism, for example — results in behavior problems. Some students withdraw and disengage in an attempt to stay out of the teacher’s crosshairs while others respond in kind, which often results in punishment for the very behavior exhibited by the teacher. The power differential favors the teacher. In this dynamic, positive relationships are nearly impossible to build — and everyone loses. Often, student behavior mirrors teacher behavior. So, use the Golden Rule as a general guide for making connections with students.
There are also loads of specific ways that teachers can build positive relationships with students but the ones I’ll discuss here are those that I’ve seen work well.
Call students by name. Sounds simple but it isn’t always practiced by teachers and is an easy way to make a connection. At the beginning of the year, learn each student’s name and how to pronounce it correctly. While mispronunciation may seem insignificant, it shows students that you don’t care enough to say their names correctly. And, it can be embarrassing. A name is one’s identity. In hallways, on the playground, at school activities, take time to greet students by name.
Know your students. Each one comes to school with interests, likes and dislikes, talents, and strengths. Find out about your students and make it a habit to ask about each one: “How was your soccer game?” “Is your brother feeling better?” “Did you play any video games yesterday?” “I see that you braided your hair. It looks nice.” These interactions don’t need to gobble up a lot of time but can be asked as students enter the class at the beginning of the period, as they leave, in hallways or during transitions. The point isn’t to get extensive information but to make a connection by showing you genuinely care. But, when students do need someone to talk to, they’ll likely seek out someone with whom they have a connection.
Communicate high expectations. Most of us are drawn to a person who believes in us. Letting each student know that you believe she or he can be successful will enhance the relationship: “I see you finished that assignment. I knew you could do it.” “Thank you for being on time again today. I know it’s tough for you sometimes.” Display college banners on walls and talk with students about which colleges they want to attend. Have middle school students research programs offered at high schools and encourage them to participate. Sincere comments of affirmation signal your confidence in students and communicate that you are their advocate.
Make home visits. It is one of the most time-consuming yet rewarding ways to building relationships, bar none. Visiting families at home builds goodwill and provides the opportunity to learn about students’ lives and their families’ cultural practices and values. In my experience, it is a worthwhile investment of time because not only does it provide a greater understanding of your students, but a partnership is developed with families which can be invaluable, especially with students who are challenging. If one-to-one visits with each family isn’t realistic, the next best thing is attending community events and introducing yourself to families. These activities aren’t mutually exclusive. Visit the homes of students who need that extra effort made to connect with them and attend an event to meet other families.
Regardless of which of these ideas resonates with you, the point is to build relationships with your students, connect with them every day, and enjoy the benefits.